Do you ever stop to listen to what your inner voice is saying to you? Or more importantly, how your inner voice is talking to you?
You work hard, you try your best, yet your noisy mind goes out of it's way to try and convince you that it's still not good enough. You succumb to the beliefs that are telling you "I'm a failure". But is that harsh abuse of yourself really necessary, or even justified? The saying goes that we are our own worst critic, and that is certainly true for the vast majority of people - particularly those who identify as being a perfectionist, people pleaser, or workaholic. But it is possible to reduce the noise of that inner critic. I know that to be true because I have done it myself, and helped lots of high-achieving people with it too.
Today I want to share with you one of the most important tools to use in your emotional healing and everyday life - self compassion.
What is self-compassion?
Self-compassion is the practice of being kind to yourself, having positive inner self-talk, and not beating yourself up for your perceived failures.
There is no such thing as true perfection, yet we often hold ourselves to harsh, strict and unrealistically high standards. This automatically sets you up for failure, because you are already comparing yourself to something impossible.
For many of us, particularly if you are an empathetic or sensitive person, it is actually easy to be compassionate towards others. You are good at holding a safe space for others, being kind and understanding when someone else is suffering.
But what about when you make a mistake, or don't fulfil your own expectations?
To be self-compassionate to yourself is to allow yourself the space to simply be a human being. Knowing that at times we all make mistakes and could do things differently; accepting that fact and showing kindness is revolutionary, compared to the downward shame spiral which tells us "I'm not good enough". It's not about bypassing the uncomfortable emotions, but actually giving yourself the ability to sit with them.
Here are 5 of my top tips for building self-compassion in your own life. All of them are about starting with simple and actionable steps that you can take to improve your life right now.
Treat yourself like a loved one (or inner child)
Challenge your inner critic
Remember that you are a human
Healing your emotions and core wounds
Learn to honour yourself
1. Treat yourself like a loved one
When a close friend or family member that you love comes to you with their upsets, looking for comfort or answers, how would you respond? Without even knowing you, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't berate them, call them an idiot or tell them that they aren't good enough. My guess is that you are a kind and caring person, who would probably jump to reassure them and be supportive of their needs.
So why do you beat yourself up, when you really need love and compassion?
Many of us have gotten used to beating ourselves up, even though we wouldn't treat anyone else like that, nor would we condone our loved ones talking to themselves like it either. Next time you are spiralling into negative thoughts on yourself or something you feel bad about, try to imagine that there is another person in front of you. This person is someone you love and care about deeply. What would you say to them in this situation? Or what would you like them to say to you?
PS. You can also imagine this person as your inner child. Whenever you are being harsh on yourself, remember you are also talking negatively to your inner child - the sweet, innocent and pure version of yourself, who doesn't deserve to feel worthless or unloveable. Be kind to them!
2. Challenge your inner critic
You know that negative voice in your head that tells you you're not good enough or you should just give up? Almost like the little devil on your shoulder? This voice is also known as your inner critic, the part of you that overly criticises, judges and puts you down. Well I'm here to let you know that IT IS POSSIBLE for you to challenge that voice, and you don't need to let it run the show. Become increasingly aware of your self-talk. This starts by simply observing and noticing your thoughts and beliefs, seeing when your inner critic is coming out, how they are talking to you, and how that makes you feel. When you do notice it, start to become curious and inquisitive about where these thoughts come from. You can then begin to challenge these thoughts and beliefs, by speaking back to your inner critic with a voice of kindness instead. Over time, you will begin to notice that your inner critic doesn't hold as much power, when you combat it with a voice of love and compassion.
3. Remember that you are human!
Part of being a human is experiencing the full spectrum of life. Regardless of who you are or what you have been through, we have all experienced highs and lows, happiness and hurt, pride and shame. When you hold yourself to unrealistic or super-human standards, you are setting yourself up for failure before you have even begun. The nature of life is that nothing is ever perfect, nor does everything go according to plan. The sooner you can let go of your limiting beliefs (that you should be X, Y, Z), the easier it will be for you to build self-compassion into your life.
Remember that we're all human, it's okay to not feel okay, and you are safe to express yourself when you do feel low or down, rather than turning it inwards onto yourself.
4. Healing your emotions and core wounds
There are many reasons why we can struggle to feel worthy of love and compassion, and default to being overly critical on ourselves. One of the most significant causes for this is a deeper level of emotional wounding that exists - largely due to issues in the past that have made us feel worthless, unloveable or undeserving of happiness.
The core wounds in your subconscious mind are what make you feel negatively about yourself. When you begin to heal them, you can practice inner compassion and forgiveness, to release the emotions that have become stuck.
You can do this using a wide variety of wellbeing and emotional freedom techniques, and I always encourage you to experiment and see what works for you. Some of my favourite techniques and ones I use with clients are: hypnotherapy, coaching, meditation, emotional freedom tapping (EFT), breathwork, journaling, embodied movement, somatic practices.
5. Learn to validate yourself
Many of us automatically dismiss our emotions and problems, deeming them unfit for sharing. You may feel as though you don't want to burden others with your feelings. That it's easier to just get on with it and pretend you're okay. Or worse, that you might beat yourself up for feeling 'bad', rather than being on top of your game all the time.
One of the most important things is learning to validate your feelings and emotions, rather than trying to bypass them. Again, this is closely linked to my 3rd tip, remembering that you are a human being. It is as simple as saying to yourself:
"I am feeling X and that is okay"
"It is safe for me to feel my emotions"
"I deserve to feel seen and heard"
Summary
Self-compassion is one of the most important skills in your toolbox for emotional healing. Through finding ways to challenge your current beliefs, and reframing them into healthy responses, you can truly change the way that you view, speak and feel about yourself.
If you are curious about how you can do this, or would like further support to make it happen, I am an expert in helping sensitives and empaths to do the inner work for self-worth and confidence. Book a no-obligation free call with me here to see how I can help you too!
Comentarios